This is probably the last ever untouched space where I can freely express in public, but the irony is that this just isn't read enough. Nonetheless, I at least get a response out on public record.
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I'm told over and over again, DON'T RESPOND TO HATE from Political Opponents.
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But what am I to do, when it comes from one that;
1. I've actually worked with
2. Actually respected in the past
3. Actually voted for in the past
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Yeah, that's a tough one.
Timeline:
2013-2014 First met him (may be earlier)
2015 Joined his Facebook Group
2016 - Voted for him
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Alongside THIS, there were people in his team who were also meeting me, working with me, having me support them too and we were all working together all along.
Even 2016 and beyond we were working together. I voted for that him and HIS WHOLE TEAM in 2016.
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In 2017 I believe, remembering all our work, photos, meetings... and everything over the previous 3 years given that him and his team were local funders (local Government) I applied for community funding for a community event.
As far as I was concerned, I "dotted every i" and "crossed every t". I know that because I was working with OTHER community minded people that knew him and his team.
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WELL..... How wrong I was.
I was crushed when my funding application was rejected. I took it personally. I was dumbfounded.
How is it, after all that work together, meetings, support, team meetings, community stuff... HOW??
How was I now rejected by people that I saw as "Leaders in my community".
I'd not done ANYTHING wrong up to that point. I'd never said anything against them up to that point. In fact, the opposite, I was proud of our photos together, our work, our meetings... all of it. I still am proud that up to this point (when I was rejected).... I had been (I believed) respected. They worked with me (up to this point).
Mid 2017....
I went sad. I remained so...
HOW did they reject me?
WHY did they reject me??
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I went through a huge period of self doubt and worry.
In fact, ever since myself and my relationship to this leader and his team has NEVER fully recovered.
I STILL feel rejected and despised by them.
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Today, 2 years later in 2019... It's been hard.... we went from friends 3 years ago... to opponents today.
They say I'm an 'attacking troll'....
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They say I'm a troll...
But what about all our past photos? Our newspaper articles? The captions and positive comments?
What about our meetings? What about all that's we've PREVIOUSLY DONE together??
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I DON'T Even care that the good ideas I shared with them have freely been used and the good work we did together is still used today... because why... because my heart is THAT Big and that open.
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I'm NOT some attacking troll...
I'm someone, that was rejected by people I trusted and I looked up to.
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This man and his team has my trust, had my confidence, had my belief...
NOW After being rejected by them (to this day, I'm not told WHY I'd been rejected by them)
NOW I just feel used and abused.
Do I regret my anger between 2017 and now.. OF COURSE...
Do I regret and feel remorse for what's taken place (including that which has had me be called a troll) YES!!!!
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Worse though, between a rock and a hard place I feel torn as I'm supposed to NOT CARE about people attacking me... and you know what... after publishing this blog entry... I'm going to attempt to give it NO MORE attention or Oxygen.
I'm told I'm supposed to 'rise above the hate'.. and this blog entry is the beginning of the healing... after this it all ends.... no more trolling or anything... I'll do my best...
I will keep positive...
BUT I'll always be confused deep down... or rather I'll probably never know WHY my 'community leaders' rejected me.
I'm allowed to be human....I'm allowed to have feelings... this is how I feel right now....
Ironically as soon as I push 'Publish' it'll all go away and I will likely feel alot better.
I pray for me. I pray for them. I pray for my community.
